Affirmative What?

As I’ve aged, my hearing has diminished noticeably in at least one of my ears; maybe both.  Who knows?  At least I can tell the difference in sound quality between my ears.  I say that to get to this point.  One day last week I was absent mindedly listening to a television program in the background and misunderstood what one of the talking heads said.  

What I thought I heard switched my full and immediate attention to the television, however it became immediately apparent that what I thought I heard wasn’t what was said at all.  I still don’t know what was said before my attention shifted, but I am 99.99% sure that the talking heads didn’t say what I thought I had heard. 

Whatever it was they were talking about quickly lost my interest, and I moved on to something else.  However, what I had thought I had heard stuck in my mind.  Maybe, instead of hearing what was said, I heard what I needed to hear.

I Googled the phrase/term, that I thought that I had heard, to see if it even existed in popular society.  It didn’t, which surprised me, as I felt it to be a rather useful phrase.  So what is the phrase?  Affirmative hardship.  When I thought I heard that phrase, it really set my mind to work.  I liked the ring of it.  What would be an affirmative hardship?  It sort of sums up and gives a name to, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”, doesn’t it?  It also defines the very act of “delayed gratification”, which in theory is to postpone reward or pleasure in order to reap greater reward or gratification.

I like the phrase.  It implies a positive outcome to hardship.  It could also imply making the best of a hardship.  I’ve heard the phrase, “Things always turn out the best for those who make the best of how things turn out”, attributed to several different people.  I honestly don’t know who said it first, but they had to have affirmative hardship in mind when they said it.  To me an affirmative hardship is a hardship that has a positive outcome or positive output.  Whether someone intentionally enters into what they intend to be an affirmative hardship, or just falls into it by accident, it still is what it is; a hardship with an affirmative outcome or output.

We’ve all experienced one or many of these affirmative hardships.  Some of them we intentionally bit off.  I worked a full time job, while finishing my last three years of college, and tried to attend to family and community obligations all at once.  I knew it would be a hardship going into it, and I knew that I had no idea how much or exactly how the hardship would impact me or my family.  I still took on the hardship intentionally, and it’s had a positive payback.  I'd call that an affirmative hardship.  But, there are affirmative hardships much greater than that.

Bryan Anderson can tell you about an affirmative hardship far beyond any that you or I are likely to have under our belts.  On September 11 of 2001, a day that will truly live in infamy, he joined the United States Army at the ripe age of nineteen.  Four years later an Iraqi IED took the truck he was driving out from under him, and in the process also took both of his legs and his left hand.  He says that his first thought was, “My Mom is going to kill me.”  For Bryan, that moment changed everything.  

Seven years later, we find Bryan Anderson traveling the country relating his experiences with hardship, to the struggles and hardships that others find in their lives, and helping them see the way through their affirmative hardship.  Anderson says that his recovery philosophy became, “living in the moment”.  He says his philosophy since has been, “Why settle for a normal life when you can have an extraordinary life?”

Bryan Anderson is now a featured speaker 30 to 40 times a year, and is paid up to $10,000 per appearance, but he frequently appears to speak for free.  He is the national spokesman for USA Cares.  In addition to his speaking engagements, Bryan travels across the country, rides a motorcycle, and snowboards.  He serves as an inspiration and as a motivator for thousands.   Says Anderson, “There’s not a whole lot I can’t be.”  That is an affirmative hardship!

In celebrating Memorial Day to honor those who fought and died to defend our freedom, let us remember them, and live in such a way, that we can truly say that their ultimate sacrifice was the ultimate affirmative hardship.  Let us also be grateful to those that fought and lived.  Today, and every day forward we can say in our hearts, what mere words cannot say strongly enough.  Thank you!

Yes, I like the phrase, affirmative hardship.  I found it in a moment of hearing deficiency, so I get to classify and define it.  I’m classifying it as definitely an American phrase.  It might not mean much to people from some other parts of the world, but here in the USA, I think it means a lot.  I think maybe it’s one of the founding principles that never had a name before, but underlies the great spirit of this country.  Now it has a name.  The next time someone asks you why you are volunteering to take on a hardship for a good cause, you have your answer.  Just tell them that it’s an affirmative hardship, and let them figure out the rest.

Surround yourself with people who love you, work that you love, and a cause that you believe in.

Your comments, "likes", "twitters" and "pins" are welcome!  Follow me on twitter @earlefowler

Lead Wherever You Are

I’m not sure that it is possible to write a complete comprehensive treatise on leadership.  There certainly seems to be any number of experts out there on how to become and be a leader.  Most of those experts take the view however that at any given point in time within any group that only one chief leader position exists.  For a quite a number of years now, I have been of an opposing opinion.  In fact, I believe that the strongest team to be assembled is a team of leaders.  I have long been a proponent of not only situational leadership, but especially, leading wherever you are.

Of a team of leaders, there may be a captain or even two co-captains, and any number of situational leaders, and each member of the team will lead in their own expertise, by example, by giving emotional support, by supporting the efforts of the team wholeheartedly, and by stepping in, anytime, and anyplace they, or their skills, are needed, including their leadership skills. 

If you grew up in the late sixties and early seventies, of the Vietnam era, then you are familiar with what is perhaps the most famous tag line of wisdom of the times.  “If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with.”, was a line often used by a musician of the times, Billy Preston.  Stephen Stills, asked to use the line to write a song, to which Preston readily agreed.  The rest is musical and cultural history.  The tag line, and song title though, "Love the One You're With", was the basic background inspiration for the concept of Lead Wherever You Are.  Only when everyone leads wherever they are, is an organization truly excelling at its fullest potential. 

In the organization that excels, the CEO, upper management, lower management, general workers,  the janitor, and even middle management, leads.  Yes, everyone in the entire organization leads wherever they are, in their area of responsibility, and any other place that they aren’t prohibited. 

There are always opportunities to lead within your own area without infringing on others.  Everyone can lead by example.  Everyone can lead by setting a pace with urgency.  Everyone can lead by encouraging and expressing a positive attitude.  Everyone can lead by continuously aspiring to a standard of excellence.  Everyone can lead in times of distress, in times of joy, in times of sorrow, in times of despair, in times of great progress, and in times when momentum is most needed.  Everyone has the potential to lead wherever they are.

I once read a tiny book by Ken Roberts titled Rich Man’s Secret.  It’s not on the list of select seven books that I have mentioned in this blog several times, but it does have sound principles between its few pages.  One of them is the idea that one way to improve a process is to teach it.  Roberts espouses the great benefits gained through preparing for and teaching a process.  He even recommends that if you don’t have anyone to teach, that you teach an imaginary companion on the job, or while engaging in the  process you wish to improve and master.  I’ve tried this and found that it causes me to question everything when I have to teach the totality of a process.  Just try it.  Even when you have to play both student and teacher, it works.

If you try the imaginary student technique, you will find yourself covering who does what, when, where, and why, and how they do it.  Most likely you will discover improvements along the way, or at least come to better understand the process with a new thoroughness that recognizes all the interdependent components and intricacies.  Before long, you will find, you leading you.  I guess that’s what’s meant by "an army of one"; being alone and leading right where you are, with who you’re with.  

There are many kinds of leadership, with many styles and more places to lead than there are leaders.  Your leadership is needed.  So where do you start to build your leadership skills?  Start right where you are, wherever you are.  The consummate leader is always adapting, and learning, and polishing their skills.   The formula for becoming a consummate leader is simple.  Always, lead wherever you are.   Remember Lee Iacoca's leadership philosophy, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way?"  Well, don't get in your own way. You can even lead yourself out of procrastination, if you will just try.

Become a good follower to become a good leader.  Good leaders also make the best followers.  So whether you are following or leading, you can, and should, still know what you need to do.  Lead wherever you are.

Surround yourself with people who love you, work that you love, and a cause that you believe in.

Your comments, "likes", "twitters" and "pins" are welcome!  Follow me on twitter @earlefowler

Achieve Your Dreams with the Simplest Secret on Earth

In one of my early posts on this blog, I mentioned that I once had a list of seven books that I would give as gifts to young people, whom I felt would studiously apply them to their lives.  I feel that all of these young people, as they pursued their goals in life,  benefited from the books.  At least, I have seen them excel and achieve beyond the high goals they held as youth.  In that same earlier blog post, I also mentioned “Acres of Diamonds” by Russell Conwell as being one of those books.  A second book from my list will be revealed in this post, because, as you would think, its topic is the fundamental core of the principle we will discuss today.

Today we are discussing the Simplest Secret on earth.  It is what the dean of self-improvement, Earl Nightingale, over half a century ago, referred to as “The Strangest Secret”.  The principle is a natural law of the nature of mankind.  It is summed up in the often partially quoted, thousands of years old scripture that was translated into the 1611 King James Bible.  Proverbs Chapter 23, verse 7 partially states, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”.  It’s easy enough to see and believe that if a person thinks mean thoughts and is mean of heart, that they will be a mean person on the outside.  And inversely, a person who thinks kind thoughts will be kind hearted and an outwardly kind person.  But, the concept goes even further than that.

There is a common saying among achievement gurus, that goes something like this, “What can be perceived, can be achieved.”  An alternate way of stating the principle is, “You must want it before you can have it.”  Earl Nightingale compared our minds to heat seeking missiles that guide us after whatever we tell our minds we want.  This principle of mental steering works both to our good, and sometimes against us.  As James Allen states in his great little book, As a Man Thinketh, “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors, that which it loves, and also that which it fears. It reaches the height of its cherished aspirations. It falls to the level of its unchastened desires - and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.”

Some tout this principle as a law of attraction, saying that we attract what we dwell on the most, whether for our good, or our demise.  If we worry and dwell on what we fear most, then we supposedly attract that very dreadful thing; a self-fulfilling prophesy if you will.  I quite frankly don’t believe that.  I believe that we seek out what we get by unconsciously filtering everything else out of our cognizance, but that which we dwell on in our minds and hearts.  I believe that this principle applies to both the physical, social, intellectual, spiritual, and all other aspects of our existence.

I will give you a physical example from my own experience.  Many, many years ago, Mercedes Benz automobiles caught my eye.  I couldn’t afford one, but the more I admired them, and the more I learned about their marvelous engineering, the more I set my heart on one day affording one.  I even followed the advice of what I thought was a quacky advisor, who told me to tape a picture of a Mercedes to my steering wheel, and every time I drove my car to imagine that I was driving a fine Benz.  I was to smell the leather, feel the response in the wheel, and smooth ride.  I became pretty enthralled with the idea of someday, and the sooner the better, owning one of these fine cars.

One day, an opportunity was availed for me to purchase a used 240D at an extremely affordable price, with extremely attractive financing.   I took it.  Bought it, paid for it, owned it, and drove it.  For various reasons I found owning a car like that a real pain.  People always assumed you had money to spare and that’s just trouble, and frankly it embarrassed me.   Never mind the fact that this would be the last prestige automobile that I will ever buy.  Let’s get back to the point at hand.

Many of the success gurus would use that event as an example of what they call the law of attraction.  But, it’s not so much attraction as it is a filtering process.  To start with, if you set a goal and you really, really, really, want to achieve it, you will position yourself to learn all you can about the subject.  Secondly, you will be in places and around people that will expose you to the subject.  Thirdly, you will be open to opportunities when the shine of the slightest sliver of light through the tiniest crack shows.

Do you think I would have even looked into the opportunity if someone had mentioned that they knew someone with a beat up Chevy I could get at a great price?  Of course not!  I wanted a Mercedes Benz, and when out of all of the car ads and friends who knew someone selling something, I heard Mercedes, I perked up.  I paid attention!  I probably did hear about great Chevy clunker deals and Fords and whatever.  Meanwhile, all those ho hum cars being talked about flew right past my ears.  I filtered them out and zeroed in on the Mercedes.  I became so attuned to the idea of owning a Mercedes Benz to the point of ignoring just how shabby the Plymouth Champ I was driving had become.  I wasn’t obsessed, but it was the next thing to it.  Had I been looking for Chevy, Buick or Ford, I wouldn't have blinked an eye at the mention of a good deal on a car that I didn't think I could ever afford, such as a Mercedes Benz.  But, I wasn't looking to own a Chevy, Buick or Ford.

Do you get the point?  Not only do you zero in on what you want, but you also filter out what isn’t what you want.  If it wasn’t relative to a Benz, I didn’t want to even hear about it, much less discuss it and haggle over a price.  I simply wasn’t interested in any other car brand.  Have you ever seen a hound dog trail another animal or a blood hound trail a police suspect?  That is exactly what they do naturally.  They zero in on the scent of what they are after and ignore everything that isn’t the scent of their prey.  We are, after all is said and done, not all that much higher on the food chain, than our best friend, the dog.  Learn something from them! 

Your instincts work exactly like the instincts of a bloodhound, only you get to set your own prey.  Just don’t forget, that your heat seeking missile, blood hound, scent filtering, mind, will also work on what you fear, just as easily as what you long for.  Your mind seeks what you dwell on.  You become as you think, and you seek out what you dwell on.  Be careful of what you dwell on.

The simplest secret in the world, is the principle summed up and discussed in the little book that I have already mentioned, titled, As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen.  The book is now out of print, but has been placed on the Gutenberg Project list, and you can download a free ebook copy.  If you don’t have an ebook reader, you can download the Kindle software for your PC or Mac from Amazon, also for free. 
 

Now, be careful of what you think, how much, and how long you think it!

Surround yourself with people who love you, work that you love, and a cause that you believe in.

Your comments, "likes", "twitters" and "pins" are welcome!

Why Life Sometimes Caves In

Last week I watched a situation cave in on a young woman’s life that, unfortunately, perfectly illustrates what happens when we ignore key facets of life, while focusing all of our efforts toward only one or a few.  It’s not her actual name but let’s call this young woman Annie. Annie, a single mom of two had been working an eight hour a day shift at a local fast food restaurant, and attending classes part time for two hours a day.  

Her boyfriend Mike (not his actual name either) would babysit for the two hours and then her mother would take care of the children while Annie worked her fast food shift.  On the short take, Annie sounds like a typical struggling single mom, trying to improve life for her little ones and herself, and she is.  But, the long take tells the full story.

While the Annie focused on work, school, and boyfriend, the small apartment where she lived got neglected.  It was neglected to the point of becoming a roach infested health hazard for the children or anyone else.  Mike, instead of properly caring for the children, was evidently attending his own enterprise from her apartment.  He so well attended his business that the attention of the police was attracted.  A search warrant was served on Annie’s apartment, and marijuana was discovered.  Annie’s children being in the squalid conditions elicited reports to children’s protective services, and police informed the landlord of the conditions and substance found. The landlord moved to evict.

From the first knock on the door by the police, this single mom’s life became very complicated, and very unpleasant.  Now Annie faces the potential of losing custody of her children, and her housing.  Her misplaced trust in her boyfriend Mike, and her neglect of her home and conditions in which her children lived came crashing in all very suddenly.  But, this situation didn’t begin with a knock on the door.  It began for Annie with all of the good intentions that a single mom could have, to improve life for her babies and herself.  But, through a series of bad choices and neglects, compounded by more neglect and settling for what should have been unacceptable, Annie’s circumstances grew increasingly tenuous until, one day, the knock came at the door.  Now her life has changed dramatically and for probably a lot longer than it took to get it there.

 At one time or another we all get caught up in focusing on one or two facets while we neglect the others.  This inevitably leads to dysfunction, or malfunction, that catastrophically disrupts life as we knew it.  The longer this unbalanced attention runs on, the worse the outcomes. Technically, I would classify these disruptions as critical events.  Privately, we all know these events simply as personal disasters that are always profoundly unpleasant.  If our lives were gem mines, we would call these events cave-ins.  

So, what can we do to avoid these cave-ins?  Approaches for this will be addressed in the coming weeks and months through this blog.  I hope you will continue to come back and explore them with me.  The short run advice that can be summed up here is this:  Identify the major facets of life and be sure we give due attention to each, keeping consistency with our values across all facets.  Secondly, we must have an established set of values that we follow, and hold to, without wavering to circumstances.   

Thirdly, according to our individual life situations, and that of our loved ones around us, we must establish priorities, and apply our resources, actions, and attention, in accordance with those priorities.  Forth, we must understand that there are tools available for us to learn, implement, and use, to leverage advantage in pursuing our goals for all the facets in our lives.  By applying these tools and techniques we significantly improve our probability, and opportunity, for maintaining a balance that bridges between our various life facets.

Those four steps could work miracles for us if we were capable of perfectly implementing them.  But, we are human and can only hope to become somewhat proficient at implementing them.  However, proficient will do.  If we become proficient at applying our tools, with our values, across our priorities, in a coordinated manner, to all key life facets, we can excel to high sustainable levels.  We can become more than we, or anyone else, ever thought we could be, without the catastrophic cave-ins. 

To put it even more simply; life gets complicated because we fail to filter out what doesn’t matter and fail to properly manage what does matter.  When we don’t know what really matters to us, well that really complicates it, doesn’t it?  But, by filtering and managing, not only can we sustain a higher quality of life for ourselves and our loved ones, but our lives can mean more to the lives of so many others than can be imagined.  If we get it anywhere close to right, we will set a positive life wave in motion that will live on for many generations long after we are gone. We’ll continue the discussion here next Tuesday.

Surround yourself with people who love you, work that you love, and a cause that you believe in.

Your comments, "likes", "twitters" and "pins" are welcome!

Your Life is a Gem, This is the Key Facet

Our lives are gems made up of many facets.  Like gemstones, the first facet which is cut into our lives determines the shape and face of all the other facets.  That primary facet should be our spiritual facet.  If we get that right, all the other facets will either fall into place where they belong, or be shaped in such ways as to maintain our worth as a human gem.  Our spiritual development determines the strength and depth of all the other facets of our lives.

Our spiritual well being defines and shapes our health, our mental outlook, our social interactions, environments in which we operate daily as well as how we approach our jobs and pastimes and the quality of our contributions to mankind.  In fact our spiritual well being can determine if we are contributors or leeches. 

Intellectually we will either grow or wither based to a great extent on our degree of spiritual growth.  What good is all the knowledge of the world when it is not growing our spiritual selves to better serve our faith and mankind?

But, spiritual growth alone cannot suffice for human existence and growth.  While man cannot live by bread alone. We cannot fulfill the purposes of our spiritual selves in failing to live fully in all the facets of our lives.  We are not placed on this earth alone. We were put here as human beings to interact and influence each other. 

To fully live we must embrace every facet of our lives.  Our spiritual development and growth must influence and spill into all the other facets of our existence, and we must have a presence in every actual facet.  When we neglect a facet of our lives we starve it of the full benefit of our best and highest abilities, and it in turn repays us in kind.  When we neglect a facet we also short change those who are closest to us and in turn miss much they have to offer us.

When we give every facet of our lives the best we can offer, we reap the benefit of a highly nourished existence, and we are able to function in fully formed facets and live balanced happy lives that sparkle like a true gem.

I stated in the beginning of this discourse, that the spiritual facet is the most important.  While all facets of our lives are interdependent, the spiritual facet is the core ruling facet where the shaping all begins that will determine the quality and value of that precious gem you call your life.

I will be introducing more here on life facets and their development, meanwhile why not take a look at your spiritual facet and consider what you can do to develop it into a stronger facet?  You will find that your other life facets begin to strengthen and shine a little more as you move along a path of improving and strengthening your spiritual life facet.  Start today.  It is often repeated that a trip of a thousand miles begins with one step.  Take it today.

Surround yourself with people who love you, work that you love, and a cause that you believe in.

Your comments, "likes", twitters and pins are welcome!